Here's a bit more for you, Annie
50 Reasons that You Know Your Scottish when...
1. The only sausage you know is square
2. You were forced to do Scottish country dancing every year at high school
3. Scattered Showers with outbreaks of sunshine and a cold northerly wind, is your idea of good weather
4. You have a wide knowledge of local words and know Numpty is an idiot, Aye is yes, Ayeright is no, Auldjin is someone over 40 and Baltic is Cold
5. You have irrational need to eat anything from the chippy, as long as it is deep fried - haggis, pizza, white pudding, sausage, fish, chicken and battered Mars Bars.
6. You used to love destroying your teeth with - penny dainties, wham bars, cola
cubes and soor plooms
7. You always greet people by talking about the weather
8. Even if you normally hate the Proclaimers, Runrig and Caledonia, Deacon Blue, Big Country, you still love it when they are played in a club abroad.
(in fact you will ask the DJ to play them)
9. You have an enormous feeling of dread when Scotland play even a diddy team
10. You are proud that Scotland has the highest number of alcohol and smoking deaths in Europe
11. You used to watch Glen Michael's Cartoon Cavalcade on a Sunday afternoon with his lamp Paladin
12. You got Oor Wullie and The Broons books every Christmas
13. You only enjoy Weir's Way on the telly, when you are p*ssed
14. You are able to recognise the regional dilect (Glasgow) "awright pla, gonie gies a wee swatcha yir paper nat, cheers, magic pal. (Aberdeen) Fitlike
Loon? Furryboots ya bin up tae. fair few quines in the night, min. (Inverness) Ah-eee right enuffff! How's you keeeeepeeeeen?
15. You know the police are aobut to arrive when you hear someone shout – Errrapolis
16. You have witnessed a "square go"
17. You know that when you are asked which School you attended they really mean, "Are you a Tim or a Proddy"
18. You have eaten the following: Mince and Tatties, Cullen Skink, Tunnock's teacakes, snowballs and Caramel Wafers, Porridge, Macaroon Bar, Baxter's Soup, Scotch Pie and Oatcakes
19. A jakey has asked you for 10p for a cuppa tea
20. You wait at the shop counter for 1p change.
21. You know that the right response to "you dancing" is "you asking" followed
by "am asking" and finally "them am dancing"
22. You associated sawdust with vomit coz the jannie always used to pour it over sick in school
23. You lose all respect for a groom who doesn't wear a kilt
24. You don't do shopping, you "go for the messages"
25. You are on a bus and the drunk picks you to sit next to you
26. You are able to conduct a 20-minute phone call using three words only: awright, aye and naw!
27. When you refuse the offer of a drink, you hear "what you no well"
28. You sang: "You canny fling pieces oot a 20 storey flat, 700 hungry weans'll testify to that, if its butter, cheese or jelly, if the breed is plain or pan, the chances o' it reaching earth, are ninety nine to wan
29. You know that going to a party means bringin a kerry oot
30. Your holiday in Benidorm is ruined when you hear there is a heat wave back home
31. Scotland go 2-0 up against the French, and you immediately think, getting beat 3-2 was "no a bad result"
32. You can pronounce: McConnachie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie and Kirkcaldy
33. You love deep fried Pizza
34. You can't pass a Kebab shop after being at the pub
35. You are used to all four seasons in one day!
36. You can fall when drunk and not spill your drink
37. You see people wearing shellsuits with Burberry accessories, and think "that’s class"
38. You measure distance in minutes
39. You understand Rab C Nesbitt
40. You go to Saltcoats because you think its abroad
41. You can make a whole sentence using only swear words
42. You know what haggis is made with, but you still enjoy it
43. You planned your wedding around the football fixtures
44. You have been to a wedding and the football results have been announced in the church
45. You are not surprised to find one shop selling ALL of the following: Pizza, Nappies, Fags, Curries, Milk, Paint, Shoes etc
46. Your seaside home has calor gas under it
47. You know Irn Bru is a good hangover cure
48. You could swear before you could count
49. You would "nut" a terrorist if they tried to bomb your Airport
50. You are not only Scottish, but Glaswegan when you understand the following how's it hingin, clatty, boggin, cludgie, Ba'heid, Bawbag and double nougat.
