Yorkshire Day

[Ukulele]

Don´t forget it´s  Yorkshire Day today, so remember to be especially considerate and kind to all those unfortunates who hail from there,
To give some consolation I hear that Bollox Johnson gave you Yorkshire folk some good news the other day ... he is going to build you a new electric rail line so that you can get to Lancashire faster.

[Raymondo]

And he has earmarked 300 million for the rail line which he hasnt got similar to the 350 million a week he promised on the big red bus.
He has also promised the DUP that there will be no checks on the border but couldent say how this might happen.
All mouth and trousers methinks.
A bit like Pinnochio .

[PuffTheMagicDragon]

A Yorkshireman is drinking in a London bar.... He gets a call on his cell phone. He hangs up, grinning from ear to ear & orders a round of drinks for everybody in the bar because, he announces, his wife has just produced a typical Yorkshire baby boy weighing 25 pounds.

Nobody can believe that any new baby can weigh in at 25 pounds, but the Tyke just shrugs, "That's about average up North, folks, like I said, my boy's a typical Yorkshire baby boy." Congratulations showered him from all around & many exclamations of "WOW!" were heard. One woman actually fainted due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later the same Yorkshireman returns to the bar. The bartender says "Say,
you're the father of that typical Yorkshire baby boy that weighed 25 pounds at birth, aren't you? Everybody's been making bets about how big he'd be in two weeks.

We were gonna call you... so how much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds." The bartender is puzzled & concerned.

"What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds the day he was born." The Yorkshire father takes a slow gulp from his pint of Tetley's, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender & proudly says:





"Had him circumcised".

[Drax]

So eHarmony is a dating site..
I thought it was what a Yorkshireman calls hairspray

How do you recognise a dyslexic Yorkshire man?
He's the one wearing a cat flap on his head.

A Yorkshire man's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.
Yorkshire man: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?"
Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"
Yorkshire man: "No I want it chew in' a bone yer daft bugger!"

A Yorkshireman goes into a pub and says to the barman, "A pint of bitter, please."
Barman: "Certainly Sir. Whitbread?"
Man: "Ee, go on, I'll 'ave a couple of slices!"

It’s a little known fact that Robert Mugabe was really from Yorkshire. He tried keeping it quiet but if you say his surname backwards, the clue is there….

Happy day 

[Judi_bk]

 

[PuffTheMagicDragon]

An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the
world.

So, he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to Orlando, thinking that he
would start by working his way across the USA from South to North.

On his first day, he was inside a church taking photographs when he
noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read
'$10,000 per call'.

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what
the telephone was used for.

The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for
$10,000 you could talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Atlanta. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the
same looking golden telephone with the same sign under it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in Orlando and
he asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 he
could talk to God.

'O.K., thank you,' said the American.

He then travelled all across America, Japan, New Zealand and into Europe, Scotland and then England.

In every church he saw the same looking golden telephone with the same
'$10, 000 per call' sign under it.

The American decided to travel to Yorkshire to see if had the same phones
there.

He arrived in Hudderfield and again, in the first church
he entered, there was the same looking golden telephone, but this time the
sign under it read '40 Pence per call.'

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
'Father, I've travelled all over the world and I've seen this same golden
telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven,
but in all of them price was $10,000 per call.

Why is it so cheap here?'

The priest smiled and answered, 'Tha’s in Yorkshire now, lad…………..It's a local call’.